The Flotsam of impolite society…

Our slope magician and waver of the weather wand, Ant Jervis, once again found a hole in the hitherto clarty conditions and delivered us of fine weather, cloudless sky and a useful breeze. Various rogues and ne’er-do-wells foregathered, depositing foam, plastic and tape-wrapped bolides onto the tussocky ‘Gate’ pits. Some were looking for glory, others for fun and frolics – all were hoping for lift. ‘The usual suspects’ put their names into the hat, the rules of engagement were uttered by the competition meister and all stiffened sinews for the coming battle. The Jervis/Gough muttering o’er a transmitter warranted further investigation, was it an attempt at ref nobbling? There was no chance to investigate as time was our enemy and there was battle to be joined, the results would be all, quite literally, ‘up in the air’. The outcome was a foregone conclusion; mayhem, barracking, mickey-taking and the sort of bonhomie that can only come from mates with a common pleasure in ‘getting one up’. What happened, who did what and why and how did it all pan out?

Read on…

Spot Landing

Ant strode forth to anoint the turf with the ceremonial splodge of foam, the aiming point for this onerous task; Andy Gough was the chosen first vict… umm… pilot and hefted his ‘FunRay’ skyward. Struggling with a not-quite-set Tx, his untidy arrival only just missed the spot and eject the model’s cockpit. Various worthies threw models and common sense into the breeze, some nearing the mark, others collecting cat-calls. Combatant Vaughn launched with his model somewhat off-trim and we watched it perform various aero-erratics before the turf intervened and put an end to its pain; an ‘attempt’ was allowed and a second launch, but the model’s return ended in a bit of a dump. Jeff Mortimer’s ‘Ahi’ was doing well, but sought a target other than the official one – me! Thankfully it missed, allowing me to regain my composure and keep snapping. With points counted and no complaints allowed, Peter Garsden won with some deft ‘Ahi’-fondling.

Multiple Stall Turns

The antics of widely varying models was at times an object lesson in what models NOT to bring to this trial. Andy G was still having a tussle with his settings and despite manful stirring of sticks, the model wandered off into the distance. He later strode back in utter dejection, clasping the somewhat ‘modified’ craft after its lumpy outlanding. Garsden was well into the task until some inadvertent wiggling saw his ‘Ahi’ seek out a target and attack. Once again I ducked and cursed, perhaps I got that base-about-apex? One model that at times seemed very reluctant to land was Martin Lawrence’s ‘Jedi’; sleek, competent and sucked lift out of the air with consummate ease. Several landing passes were lined up and discarded until a virtually hovering approach with flaps hard down finally did the job. Mortimer’s ‘Ahi’ held a score of launches 3, dumped 2 after trying to tame the twitches. If there had been a prize for the most gasps and hurrahs it would have been Paul Rose, going for the most near-earth passes/misses. In the end the points proved that Paul Carr had indeed ‘Used the Force’ with his ‘Ahi’ and won the task.

Out and Back ‘Pylon’

Bereft of flyable model, Andy G was the chosen out-pylon flag waver, whilst sensible Jervis claimed
the home pylon. One or two passes by Andy, positioned well over towards the pool, were reasonably close, whilst others ‘got the flag’ through distance covered and certainly not by proximity, Andy didn’t have to duck once; the ‘dancing ‘Ahi’ of Jeff Mortimer got a wave whilst seemingly in the next parish. Martin Lawrence smoothly slid the Jedi through the breeze, hauled fast turns and apparently hit the ‘splodge’ on landing – delayed accuracy perhaps? Pete Garsden did well with yet another ‘Ahi’ and played safe with altitude and a distant blue flag from Andy. In the end it was Martin Lawrence that got the cash.

Twists and Times

Saved ‘til last, Ant was devious in the extreme by pitting pilots against the clock and added to the two minute target, each pilot was tasked with ending the flight with both stall turn, roll and as far as I know, a ‘Pike and Half-Twist’ into the deep end of the Mermaid Pool! An added bonus was that hitting the target splodge would see five seconds shaved off the accumulated time. By now I was confused, doubting the sanity of remaining in the locality and looking forward to my soupy sustenance. I couldn’t make head nor tail of the gladiatorial goings-on and just kept snapping whilst the mayhem was perpetrated about me. Our master of ceremonies eventually called ‘time’ and scuttled off to his van, where deft manipulation of the jotted figures eventually saw Ant stride out and call for the weary worthies to gather and pay heed to his deliberations. Apparently no-one was surprised when Pete Garsden, with proven prowess, had snatched the prize by wringing his ‘Ahi’ into aerial knots.

Big Money

The growth of points by the eventual overall winner was a steady thing and despite manfully wresting his craft throughout all the devious demands and winning none of the previous competition legs, the combined scores brought Paul Rose out as winner. Cries of ‘Top Man!’, ‘Well Done!’ and ‘Fix!’ accompanied his well-earned applause.

And so ended yet another fly-for-fun extravaganza; with plaudits for the prize winners and Ant Jervis
getting a large slice of ‘Bloody Well Done!’ from all assembled and the glow of a job well done. We
can only hope that he’ll work his particular magic next year and give us tortuous tasks and fine
weather yet again. Top Man indeed!

To view selected images from the competition click here

Dave Goodenough.